Do I Have to Lose Me to Love You?
“Every time I put the alcoholic first, I put myself last.
On second thought, I never even made the list.”
—Grace W. Wroldson
Slow Suicide of Self and Soul
Buried alive in a relationship with an alcoholic, I eventually asked myself…
“Do I have to lose me to love you?”
I started to notice my “loss of self” every time we got back together. This was disturbing to me. Very…very…disturbing. It was like watching a slow suicide of myself and my soul.
I realized that my alcoholic demanded (passively and covertly), ALL of my attention with his issues. (Later, I would learn that the disease of alcoholism does this to everyone caught in its cycle.) His issues became my issues. He made them mine. I made them mine.
Then I had new issues of my own. As I spent more years in the alcoholic relationship, it was revealed to me that I had issues buried deep inside. My issues came to the surface and screamed at me for attention. However, his issues were so BIG that they forced me to push aside my own and neglect myself. I was getting sick by loving him because I was not loving myself!
Over time, my body deteriorated from the stress of it all. My soul hung on but was slowly deteriorating too. It was a slow suicide.
So, YES, (sadly), I “had” to lose myself to give him the love, time, and attention he desperately needed (and the disease of alcoholism demanded). Those were the conditions that alcoholism (and my codependency) placed on me in order to stay in the dysfunctional relationship. To keep the relationship, I had to keep the insanity and lose myself.
But, NO, I didn’t have to do this. I could choose not to. I just needed to know that I had a choice which my own disease of co-dependency (left unchecked) prevented me from realizing on my own. As I became aware of my own issues regarding self-harm, self-abandonment, and self-betrayal, I started to look for help. I wanted to get out of this type of love scenario and save myself.
I sought recovery for my co-dependency and my own addiction to loving him. I healed and continue to heal by using the Twelve-Step Al-Anon recovery program and other self-help tools. You can too!
Find out how I broke free and repaired the relationship with myself in my new book, So You Love an… Alcoholic?: Lessons for a Codependent.
In my revealing book, I share 25+ powerful lessons that facilitated my healing process so I never lost or buried myself again. I was able to stop my soul-suicide attempts by opting out of alcoholic-codependent relationships. But first, I had to learn several important lessons. And I had to change.